More Joe Wilson jokes

I could never figure out how to send Joe Wilson punch lines to this site, so I've been posting punch lines to Twitter as I thought of them. I've run dry, and it won't be funny by tomorrow, so here's the second and likely last list.

Joe Wilson:

• Ate your lunch at work. Even with your name on it.
• Has two favorite football players. College: LeGarrette Blount. Pro: Michael Vick.
• Double-dips his chips.
• Didn't laugh at The Hangover.
• Loves the farm and Mafia apps on Facebook.
• Doesn't squeeze from the bottom of the toothpaste tube.
• Doesn't follow the "Open Here" instructions.
• Doesn't want to "Have a nice day!"
• Doesn't follow the "10 items or less" rule in the grocery express checkout line.
• Watches the Watchmen.
• Is the fifth dentist in the Trident survey.
• Prefers the original Battlestar Galactica.
• Broke up the Beatles. Yoko Schmoko!
• Shot Liberty Valance.
• Can understand Courtney Love's tweets.
• Killed Trudy. (For all you "Monk" fans!)
  

Feel free to add your own before Wilson's 15 minutes of fame are up!

Joe Wilson is:

• Being thanked by Mark Sanford, for taking the "batshit South Carolina politician" spotlight away from him.
• "That dad" at his kids' sports events.
• Asking Philadelphia to rebuild the Vet, so he can fit right in at the 700 level at Eagles games.
• On a movie set with Christian Bale.
• Recording a duet with Joe Cocker.
• Leaving a voicemail for Alec Baldwin's daughter.
• Listening to his favorite song: "Shout" by Tears for Fears.
• In the peanut gallery at The Muppet Show.
• The new face of Coors Light. They're dropping the "yelling football coaches" theme.
• Sure you're lying about your age.

More later ...

For the first time in my adult life ...

... I am embarrassed to say I got my college education in South Carolina and lived in/worked another 11 years in the Palmetto State. First, Gov. Mark Sanford. Now, Rep. Joe Wilson:

This may be the "jumping the shark" moment for the lunatic fringe that seems to have taken over the Republican Party. At least we can only hope.

South Carolina seceded from the United States in 1861. Maybe the United States can secede from South Carolina in 2009. Or get some DNA from Gen. Sherman's remains, clone him, and tell the clone to finish the job.